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Have you ever had one of those dreams that you swear was real, and just before the best part you wake up and realize that it was just your imagination playing tricks on you? Have you ever wished that after waking you could rip yourself from consciousness and return to that dream because it is far better than reality? The only part of my life I care to think of as reality now is just a dream. A dream that I keep returning to and each time that I stir myself from my few moments of solace and rest these lonely hours, I am reminded of the harshness and truth of a reality I can't even comprehend. I wish for sleep and never find it. If I did I would wish for no dreams and to never wake.

What's worse is that my dreams are so vivid. I can smell you, I see the glimmer in your eye when you look at me that I know is still inside. How can love so strong and so recent disappear? You say there was no void in my absence? Tell me now that there is no void in your life because then I would know that the one that I once knew is truly gone. You have judged me for crimes and problems I have not yet committed or created and worse been left behind with the assumption that I would not have the capacity to solve them had I even been given a real chance to prove myself? What wrong in life have I committed that I deserve this fate? I am far less the man I was before, left only to a shell of my previous existence.

You are that which I have lost, and I am that which you have forgotten. My only wish was for a second chance, one that was denied before it ever began and for your sake that I am truly sorry was never able to be realized. I will remain until such time that I have the will to move on, but I will never give up.